Thank you Vidhika of yesteryear and rightnowyear and moretocomeyear for pleasant thoughts strung together swimmingly in XL talk :') Can't contain my excitement to enjoy more of this in Letters from Vidhika via the eyes and the mind and the heart (not necessarily in that order, YMMV).
You spoil me! Thank you for your kind words and encouragement as always. And I can't wait for Creative Crumbs (from all the pastries, obvi) from Christine — or whatever much better name you come up with — to come out so I can get more regular glimpses into that wonderfully-humorous and insightful mind of yours!
I have this story about myself that I suck at small talk but your piece made me realise that it is just a story and I can have a more empowering story about myself. "Small talk is how we microdose friendship." is going to be my reminder for that!
Honestly my default is usually just to say something about the most obvious shared context, whatever that might be! (At a food place it might be about what we're ordering/the vibe of the place, in line it's often about how long the wait might be, at conferences it might be what brings us here/where people are traveling in from, that sorta thing...)
Yeah that makes sense! haha I tend to like observing people, so when I see something I like about them or that intrigues me (there’s pretty much always something), I’ll bring it up, compliment them, or ask a question about it. Also, I love talking about the weather!! But, that’s mostly because for me it isn’t a surface level thing—it’s so tethered to my mood and memories. However, for most people it is super surface level, so it’s an easy and safe topic that can stay in the small talk sphere with potential to go deeper if I get the sense a person is down for that.
Yesss, I love that! Compliments and questions are the hiding-in-plain-sight secrets of starting up conversations for sure. So true re: the weather being connected to mood and memories — I've been thinking about that a lot more as I come to terms with how much I actually like living in a place with seasons for that exact reason. "Let's talk about the weather more" was actually an alternate title I considered for this :D
Really enjoyed this article - thanks for tagging me! Never would have thought of the dog butt-sniffing comparison - I've totally experienced that kind of "sizing you up" small talk exchange. I too, like Anna below, wish I were better at it, rather than just letting the vine wither, and this has inspired me to try to get better at it. I'll have to disagree vehemently on the love for Nickelback though :)
LOL re: Nickelback (gonna let that slide for now, heh) and thanks so much for reading, Chuck! "Letting the vine wither" is such a poetic way of putting it – but I know exactly what you mean. I've definitely struggled with small talk in the past too; it can feel like a lot of work sometimes, especially when you're feeling tired/sad/just not in the mood. I was thinking about writing a follow-up article at some point with some tips that have helped me get better at it, in case it might help others too. In the meantime, I'm inspired by the fact that you're feeling inspired — thank you for letting me know and here's to more successful small talking in our futures! 😊
I think this is why in the United States, small talk is loathed. The questions are inherently not small. Asking "how someone is doing" without actually wanting the answer and depth of conversation is deceptive, even cruel. But the small talk you described is the small talk worth returning to. The kind of small talk that breeds the seeds of friendship and the foundations of a delightful society.
Damn, great point Steven — it's true that "how are you?" isn't really a small question at all. It's actually weirdly personal and that's why people either feel like they need to put on a mask and hide behind a canned answer (which of course immediately gets in the way of authentic connection) or else risk annoying someone who didn't actually want a full, genuine response. I'm definitely all for a return to the kind of small talk that primarily relies on shared context. Planting seeds of friendship and the foundations of a delightful society ftw!
I've started making small talk to the people I work out with. Just a simple "damn those burpees were hard" seem to go a long way in making the gym feel homey.
I totally see the value of small talk and love when people are good at it, I just happen to suck at it and never know what to say. Usually the conversation moves very quickly and by the time I thought of something, it has moved on to a different topic 😅 That's more the reason I hate small talk than that it's not "deep" enough 🥲
Ahh yeah I totally get what you mean Anna! It can def be so tricky to get right, especially in a small window of time when you don't yet have that much info about the other person. It's kind of funny you mention this because I was initially going to include a section on how half of enjoying small talk is just about getting good at it. I didn't go through with it in the interest of staying focused/not making this essay even longer, but I might write about some of the things that have worked for me in a future piece! 😊
I 100% agree with that statement! I find that I enjoy small talk more if I’m in a setting where I automatically know a lot about the people already. For example, I went to a YouTuber meetup, so I knew everyone there had a YouTube channel and it was super fun for me to approach and get to know everyone. But if I don’t have that (or it’s not a topic I’m naturally curious about) then it’s really hard
Yeah totally get that! I've been trying to focus lately on whatever little shared context I do have with someone, even if it's just that they obviously hang out in this part of town from time to time (if I meet them at a coffee shop or local place for example). That's so awesome about the YouTuber meetup, sounds like so much fun for sure!
"Maybe a stranger you passed in a random hotel lobby complimented your earrings, and now you can’t imagine not inviting them to your [entirely-hypothetical-at–present] wedding." Would like to hear this one!
Ooooh, I was thinking it'd be fun to write about that encounter sometime, and you saying this is giving me more fuel to do so! My one-year meetiversary with that friend [group] is coming up soon so perhaps in time for that :)
I’m sure next time I have an urge to eye roll or scoff at small talkers, I’ll think of this article.
So insightful 🙏🏽
Honored and delighted to hear this! Thank you for reading it <3
In full agreement (and also re: Nickelback).
Double win, yay! Thanks for reading Ankush :)
Thank you Vidhika of yesteryear and rightnowyear and moretocomeyear for pleasant thoughts strung together swimmingly in XL talk :') Can't contain my excitement to enjoy more of this in Letters from Vidhika via the eyes and the mind and the heart (not necessarily in that order, YMMV).
🫠 🫠 & 🧡 🧡
You spoil me! Thank you for your kind words and encouragement as always. And I can't wait for Creative Crumbs (from all the pastries, obvi) from Christine — or whatever much better name you come up with — to come out so I can get more regular glimpses into that wonderfully-humorous and insightful mind of yours!
Thirded on Nickelback!
I'm fully on board the Making Small Talk Cool Again train. Thanks for sharing your wit and humor with us, Vidhika
Woohoo, welcome aboard Harrison, so happy to have you!
And thank you for reading and for your very kind words, much appreciated 🥹
P.S. Love to hear it — Nickelback crew, rise up!
I have this story about myself that I suck at small talk but your piece made me realise that it is just a story and I can have a more empowering story about myself. "Small talk is how we microdose friendship." is going to be my reminder for that!
Aw I love that! Yes for sure, you've soooo got this. Thank you for reading Dipankar! :)
Ah!! Team small talk — or really any talk lol
What’s your default small talk topic?
LOL @ any talk, ain't that the truth 😁
Honestly my default is usually just to say something about the most obvious shared context, whatever that might be! (At a food place it might be about what we're ordering/the vibe of the place, in line it's often about how long the wait might be, at conferences it might be what brings us here/where people are traveling in from, that sorta thing...)
Curious if you have a go-to topic?
Yeah that makes sense! haha I tend to like observing people, so when I see something I like about them or that intrigues me (there’s pretty much always something), I’ll bring it up, compliment them, or ask a question about it. Also, I love talking about the weather!! But, that’s mostly because for me it isn’t a surface level thing—it’s so tethered to my mood and memories. However, for most people it is super surface level, so it’s an easy and safe topic that can stay in the small talk sphere with potential to go deeper if I get the sense a person is down for that.
Yesss, I love that! Compliments and questions are the hiding-in-plain-sight secrets of starting up conversations for sure. So true re: the weather being connected to mood and memories — I've been thinking about that a lot more as I come to terms with how much I actually like living in a place with seasons for that exact reason. "Let's talk about the weather more" was actually an alternate title I considered for this :D
Really enjoyed this article - thanks for tagging me! Never would have thought of the dog butt-sniffing comparison - I've totally experienced that kind of "sizing you up" small talk exchange. I too, like Anna below, wish I were better at it, rather than just letting the vine wither, and this has inspired me to try to get better at it. I'll have to disagree vehemently on the love for Nickelback though :)
LOL re: Nickelback (gonna let that slide for now, heh) and thanks so much for reading, Chuck! "Letting the vine wither" is such a poetic way of putting it – but I know exactly what you mean. I've definitely struggled with small talk in the past too; it can feel like a lot of work sometimes, especially when you're feeling tired/sad/just not in the mood. I was thinking about writing a follow-up article at some point with some tips that have helped me get better at it, in case it might help others too. In the meantime, I'm inspired by the fact that you're feeling inspired — thank you for letting me know and here's to more successful small talking in our futures! 😊
I think this is why in the United States, small talk is loathed. The questions are inherently not small. Asking "how someone is doing" without actually wanting the answer and depth of conversation is deceptive, even cruel. But the small talk you described is the small talk worth returning to. The kind of small talk that breeds the seeds of friendship and the foundations of a delightful society.
Damn, great point Steven — it's true that "how are you?" isn't really a small question at all. It's actually weirdly personal and that's why people either feel like they need to put on a mask and hide behind a canned answer (which of course immediately gets in the way of authentic connection) or else risk annoying someone who didn't actually want a full, genuine response. I'm definitely all for a return to the kind of small talk that primarily relies on shared context. Planting seeds of friendship and the foundations of a delightful society ftw!
I've started making small talk to the people I work out with. Just a simple "damn those burpees were hard" seem to go a long way in making the gym feel homey.
Also, A+ for the mean girls meme! Meme girls!
Yesss I love that, small talk as a means to make places feel cozier and homier!
And hehe thank you, I couldn't help myself 🤭
I totally see the value of small talk and love when people are good at it, I just happen to suck at it and never know what to say. Usually the conversation moves very quickly and by the time I thought of something, it has moved on to a different topic 😅 That's more the reason I hate small talk than that it's not "deep" enough 🥲
Ahh yeah I totally get what you mean Anna! It can def be so tricky to get right, especially in a small window of time when you don't yet have that much info about the other person. It's kind of funny you mention this because I was initially going to include a section on how half of enjoying small talk is just about getting good at it. I didn't go through with it in the interest of staying focused/not making this essay even longer, but I might write about some of the things that have worked for me in a future piece! 😊
I 100% agree with that statement! I find that I enjoy small talk more if I’m in a setting where I automatically know a lot about the people already. For example, I went to a YouTuber meetup, so I knew everyone there had a YouTube channel and it was super fun for me to approach and get to know everyone. But if I don’t have that (or it’s not a topic I’m naturally curious about) then it’s really hard
Yeah totally get that! I've been trying to focus lately on whatever little shared context I do have with someone, even if it's just that they obviously hang out in this part of town from time to time (if I meet them at a coffee shop or local place for example). That's so awesome about the YouTuber meetup, sounds like so much fun for sure!
"Maybe a stranger you passed in a random hotel lobby complimented your earrings, and now you can’t imagine not inviting them to your [entirely-hypothetical-at–present] wedding." Would like to hear this one!
Ooooh, I was thinking it'd be fun to write about that encounter sometime, and you saying this is giving me more fuel to do so! My one-year meetiversary with that friend [group] is coming up soon so perhaps in time for that :)
Vidhika, Enjoyed your article and also appreciate good vibes from others while waiting. Even better if it’s while waiting for a latte!!
Thank you Catherine, and yesss totally! :)
Love it! This has inspired me to make more small talk in my encounters with strangers!
Love to hear it Sam — here's to hoping they're fun encounters!