Say nice things to people's faces

A compliment a day keeps the doctor away

Whoa, what a cool outfit.

I should tell her! Naaaah, I bet she’s heard it a bunch of times before. So what? One more time can’t hurt, right? I dunno man, she looks busy. But also friendly! Though what if she’s in the midst of something really important? Or wait…what if my astigmatism is just messing with me again? Are those really books on her dress, or just random parallel lines?

Congrats, welcome, settle in. You’ve just won front row tickets to the inside of my head.

I was at my local coffee shop, trying to make some progress on my feral to-do list (which tends to feel like a never-ending game of Whac-A-Mole, but I digress).

I’d cozied up in my favorite spot: back to the wall, outlets aplenty, bench seating with pumpkin cushions for extra hygge-ness.¹ And a view of a skeleton donning a hat. (Halloween is no joking matter around here.)

At the table next to me, there was a woman sitting with her laptop. She immediately caught my eye — or rather, her dress did. It was a short-sleeved, knee-length dress that made her look like a walking, talking bookshelf from Beauty and the Beast.

The tug-of-war going on in my brain was over; the “go for it” side won.

“Hi! Sorry to interrupt — I love your dress. It’s so badass. You probably hear that all the time but I just had to say something. Also…those are books, right?”

“Oh, thank you so much, yes they are! This is actually the first time anyone’s ever said anything about it!”

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The gratitude wasn’t only in her words; it was in how her aura brightened, how she sat up a little straighter, how she was positively beaming. We talked a bit more after that — about where she bought the dress (spoiler alert: Modcloth, years ago), a similar piece of street art I love, and our fondness for this coffee shop and its square tables and quirky decorations.

The whole time, the bashful smile never left her face.

I’m so glad I said something. What took me 30 seconds to say may have lifted her spirits for 30 minutes. Talk about ROI!² (The GEICO gecko would be proud.)

Sincere compliments don’t just produce an abundance of warm, fuzzy feelings — though that alone is pretty cool. They also spill into other interactions.

Our moods transfer over, ever so subtly, to the people around us. Ever had a bad day and felt yourself being grumpier with your family, your coworkers, even strangers that happen to cross your path? (I know I have.) The opposite is also true: When we feel good about ourselves, we start feeling better about the world. We might be more patient with that coworker who routinely shows up to meetings a good six minutes late. We might go home and be more loving towards our kids, even after they’ve left toys all over the living room floor. Hell, we might even be less likely to cut strangers off on the interstate.

And that’s not even where the virtuous cycle ends. Because guess who else’s day is likely to have gotten a whole lot better?

That’s right: the person who gives the compliment. I told you about how the girl with the bookshelf dress™ (move over, Stieg Larsson!) reacted to my compliment, but what I didn’t tell you is how much lighter it also made me feel. Making her day made my day too. I felt like I walked out of that coffee shop with a little more pep in my step, joy in my heart, and an invitation from the universe to keep the kind words flowing.

Her dress reminded me of this piece of art I love

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Isn’t it wild how much power our words have?

How easily they can cast spells on people, how they have ripple effects in all directions?

And yet how often we shy away from using them, even when all they would do is bring more beauty into the world?

So what are you waiting for?

Tell your mom how much you love her breakfast burritos with just the right ratio of eggs to cheese. Slack that coworker how much you fancied the opening slides in their presentation last week. Surprise that stranger you’re passing down the street with a quick quip about how fashionable you find their boots.

Worst case, you catch someone off guard and they’re temporarily wary of your motives.

Best case? Maybe your kind words lift someone up who, unbeknownst to you, is in the throes of grief. Maybe they make someone feel seen, even if just for a minute. Maybe they give someone the courage to do something they didn’t think they could, or be someone they didn’t think they were. Let’s be real: I likely wouldn’t have hit publish on this if it weren’t for the many encouraging words I got from old friends and new.

I’m sure all of us say nice things behind people’s backs from time to time. What if we started saying those nice things to people’s faces, too?

P.S. Thank you for reading this all the way through, you lovely human, you. Appreciate you staying till the end of the show!

1. Hygge (pronounced “hooga”) is a lovely, not-quite-translatable word in Danish that alludes to a state of coziness, warmth of atmosphere, and even contentment or well-being.

2. In case you’re wondering, ROI stands for return on investment — aka one of the few actually useful business-y terms that I happily let creep into my day-to-day conversations (quite unlike “workstream” or “deliverable” or god forbid “circle back”).